A reason to blog

Captain's log 0212:
The ground level windows are covered to prevent light from disturbing dog's and my sleep during the day. With the cooler nights, usually only the fan runs on my air conditioner. There is a skunk outside. I know this because the compressor of my air conditioner just made a noise.

Nuts

So I'm slogging home with a nice rhythm, in spite of the wobbling my back-pack is doing. SMACK! The zipper undoes and my jar of oven roasted no salt, no oil, peanuts hits the pavement. I had been looking forward to sprinkling a few on my nightly salad. Although I was close to Sobeys, this was no comfort; I had bought the peanuts on my nightly treck to the Danforth Shopper's D - they had been on sale. Glass throughout my stuff. Sidewalk dirt on my things.
Almonds on my radish/gr. pepper/romaine/radish root/red pepper/herbie vinegrette drsg. concoction are just not same.

What's It All For?

While slugging home I was day dreaming about what all this exertion and time loss is for. A fitness club membership? Now that's ironic.
To get in better shape? What for? Then I read the Penguin (John Bingham)'s article about the gargoyle on your shoulder that doesn't let you enjoy things for their own sake - the "voice" that tells you it's for nothing, or you didn't do it well.
What I am enjoying is the camraderie of the work place. We don't know who our team members are yet (for the fitness challenge); in spite of competing for big prizes the atmosphere is one of support and cooperation. I am also enjoying the movement of my body, the feel of my muscles working, the floaty dissociation during longer workouts. And food sure tastes good. Icing my legs is bliss.
Who knows what it's all for? Who cares? I'm enjoying the trip.

Disappointment

I took a taxi to work to get the distance right. 3.71 K Not 5 K omg I have to change all those training logs. It feels like 10 K. Maybe the distance from work to home is bigger than the distance from home to work!
Everyone at work is stiff and sore - and we all move like sloths. Had to get up for an emergency and we hobbled in like Pokeys. The cause for some is the "celebrity work-out" that involves 5 min. of lunges. For me it was the karate stance held for something under a minute, but I must add that I did this several times. What the heck do I need karate conditioning for? My dog is 5 lb. and I live next to a home for the aged.

two days in a row

Since the fitness challenge at work, the building has turned into a gym. People are walking the halls and the perimeter of the grounds; going to the exercise room; eating veggies; wearing work-out gear; the vending machines are full. The cafeteria is almost empty. There is now a survey in the cafeteria to improve services - I think there will be a lot of responses asking that the junk food, trans-fat loaded food and processed pre-fab hot items be removed. The little store is out of exercise/health magazines. Conversations about health and fitness break out in the hallways. Staff can be seen demonstrating proper technique of various exercises for eachother throughout the work environment. I do not exaggerate. What will come from all of this? Stay posted.

Real Life Riddle

The question is:

If slow twitch muscle fibers use triglycerides for fuel and fast twitch muscle fibers use glycogen for fuel, can triglyceride levels be affected by the intensity and duration of activity a person does?

The reason I ask this is that I was fitness tested at work today and I have a large proportion of fast twitch fibers relative to slow twitch fibers. That is, I suck at endurance but can do short bursts surprisingly well. This is particularly strange given that I don't do anything intensely but I do engage in endurance activities such as walking home from work (5 k) at least 3 times a week and going for a 45 minute walk on my break more often than not - I've been doing this for more than a year. My triglycerides are no problem and never have been. Logic says I should have more slow twitch fibers.
Do cardiovascular variables or the amount of weight I haul have anything to do with it?
How difficult is it to change fibre types by altering activity?
Any fitness/exercise experts out there?

The Dog's Paper

Dog has finally paid me
back for all the money, hard work and emotion I have invested in her.
She now will use only the doggie pee pads belonging to the dog who moved in across the hall with it's new owner. Dog yowls and begs to visit several times a day in order to do her business there.
Dog-across-the-hall won't use his paper unless it is hidden in the bathroom where my Dog doesn't use it.

Live and Let Die

Bravo to the husband. I only hope that those who know my wishes have the courage to carry them out if I do not have to ability to do so myself. Let it be known that I believe the most horrible, evil, selfish thing that can be done is to project and impose one's values, self, ideas, lifestyle on others. I may not agree with others. I try my utmost not to trample on the choices of others and hope I may have the opportunity to support others in things I may not believe in for myself. I do not believe in absolutes. I believe right and wrong are subjective ideals. If I choose not to live it, I walk away from it. Yes, there are times to stand up and I hold myself accountable for determining when, and how I behave in this regard. I cannot and do not wish to speak for others. I make mistakes;I change my mind and my behaviour. This is an ongoing process and evolution. Please do not attempt to prevent me from making my own choices.

Back

Moving on to something other than the conference. My nephews and my brother left a voice mail message of "happy b-day". Cards and treats were great - even got one from the dog. Too bad I have to work tomorrow. I'm thinking I'll be thrown in the shower or roasted in a similar manner. Is this fear justified? No, but it is understandable given that it has happened to me when I was a student. I have an urge to withdraw. I will try an opposite action to allay the fear by arriving at work early (private joke for conference members). Maybe the colourist will take pity on me and squeeze me in tomorrow morning (I still have those roots). I need to get caught up on some of these activities of daily living.

yesterday continued

No comment on 2nd conference day - a deja vu experience.
More snow here. I wonder if w-mart sells snowshoes.
Got stuff in the mail - very good stuff - made my day.
Gotta run - to be continued later tonight.

Waste

I didn't know I was capable of falling asleep in a sitting position. According to my collegues it was REM sleep - eyelids fluttering in an aparantly paralyzed vessel. Had I slept for more than 3 hours (the neighbour's cat was in heat last night; my dog swore loudly in response), my behaviour would have been the same. A very uninspiring self-gratifying performer presented with a pathology more evident than the "research" backing the topic of the conference. An unrequested encore consisted of said presenter in full critical-parent ego state admonishing our working group for not confronting one member who "disrupted" the group by discreetly attending to a delicate and private matter in the washroom. Clearly the presenter was demonstrating ideas of reference.
Work was chaotic, requiring a closing of all public areas in order to restore the peace.
Tomorrow, we begin again. I don't believe I am being resistive in not doing my homework. I need some sleep.
I will finish the tale tomorrow.

Roots

So I made an appt. to have my roots dyed so I don't look like a skunk. At work this evening I found out that I'm going to the conference tomorrow for 2 days, but I'm still working a shift after the conference. So conference and work - with roots - and less than 6 hours sleep. Since I'm being paid to be there, I can't skip out at noon. There is nothing open right now. I think scarfs are in fashion again.
My dog will be left alone all day and evening - I can't imagine what kind of revenge I will come home to. Thank goodness for puppy pads.
I'm doing laundry because the blouse I want to wear is there. Down to 5 hours sleep.
I'm repiercing my ear lobes because I let the holes grow in again. Don't you just love that "pop" when the stud finally pushes through?
Hmmm what to wear? A jacket? Just something else to lug about. Then ironing comes into play. But I really should wear one. 4 1/2 hours sleep.
I need to get a good seat tomorrow. Should get there early. 4 hours sleep.
Coffee shop isn't open and I'm all out. Will stop at Second Cup on the way in. 3 1/2 hours.
I give up; going to chat online.
Will Sleep tomorrow.

Sunday Night

Sunday night is my favourite time to be home. I watch Ebert and Roper then Drew Carey. I chat online. I curl up with the dog and read. I listen to music. Fresh sheets on the bed; place has been vacuumed; windows have been open.
Tonight was the academy awards party. Had to show up dressed for the red carpet, or as one of the paparazzi. I chose the latter. It's much easier to eat, and manouvre around 3 cats, in track pants. Fun was had by all, including the cats. I do miss Whoopi though. She's my favourite Oscar Night mc. I also miss her tv show.
Tomorrow is the deadline to buy RRSPs; next comes income tax time - another of my not-so-favourite times. My vacumm konked today. I'm attending a conference on my only 2 days off this week. Oh the stress of it all, but Sundays are not for stress.
The dog had her bone for 15 minutes this evening. She's doing a good job; most of the marrow is gone. Now she is cuddled at the foot of my bed. The sheets will be warm.
I am off to read soon, then to slip from awareness as I roll onto my side so the dog can crawl behind my knees.

The Beast

Since put on a raw food diet, dog has invoked the hounds of Hecate. Snarling, vigilant with ears perked and hackles up, she protects her sustenance. No toys are spared from abuse. No flavour in the air is left unscolded. Katchina is a she-wolf.
Today the first marrow filled bone was experienced. The dog lay intoxicated with joy, yet ever alert to my presence. I have become a potential challenger. Gone is my fluffy parlour dog.

Suicide is not Painless

Nothing about suicide is painless. Ask anyone who has contemplated it; tried to accomplish it; known someone who did it; tried to understand it.
Most people who are considering suicide are in pain. It may not be the kind of pain that others feel, but it is there and it is overwhelmingly real to those people. Suicide then becomes an option to relieve pain. That being said, it is also a choice. Ambivalence lives in the suicidal person; often the balance is tipped towards a final action. At this time no other options exist in the mind of the person in pain.
Do not blame yourself for not interceding at the crucial moment. It is often not possible. The suicidal person may be experiencing this only in private - in thoughts alone.
Often the connections made before the event that can - but do not always - prevent the decision to turn thought into action. For those of you who can relate to this, here is something that could be helpful. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/