Sunday Night

Sunday night is my favourite time to be home. I watch Ebert and Roper then Drew Carey. I chat online. I curl up with the dog and read. I listen to music. Fresh sheets on the bed; place has been vacuumed; windows have been open.
Tonight was the academy awards party. Had to show up dressed for the red carpet, or as one of the paparazzi. I chose the latter. It's much easier to eat, and manouvre around 3 cats, in track pants. Fun was had by all, including the cats. I do miss Whoopi though. She's my favourite Oscar Night mc. I also miss her tv show.
Tomorrow is the deadline to buy RRSPs; next comes income tax time - another of my not-so-favourite times. My vacumm konked today. I'm attending a conference on my only 2 days off this week. Oh the stress of it all, but Sundays are not for stress.
The dog had her bone for 15 minutes this evening. She's doing a good job; most of the marrow is gone. Now she is cuddled at the foot of my bed. The sheets will be warm.
I am off to read soon, then to slip from awareness as I roll onto my side so the dog can crawl behind my knees.

The Beast

Since put on a raw food diet, dog has invoked the hounds of Hecate. Snarling, vigilant with ears perked and hackles up, she protects her sustenance. No toys are spared from abuse. No flavour in the air is left unscolded. Katchina is a she-wolf.
Today the first marrow filled bone was experienced. The dog lay intoxicated with joy, yet ever alert to my presence. I have become a potential challenger. Gone is my fluffy parlour dog.

Suicide is not Painless

Nothing about suicide is painless. Ask anyone who has contemplated it; tried to accomplish it; known someone who did it; tried to understand it.
Most people who are considering suicide are in pain. It may not be the kind of pain that others feel, but it is there and it is overwhelmingly real to those people. Suicide then becomes an option to relieve pain. That being said, it is also a choice. Ambivalence lives in the suicidal person; often the balance is tipped towards a final action. At this time no other options exist in the mind of the person in pain.
Do not blame yourself for not interceding at the crucial moment. It is often not possible. The suicidal person may be experiencing this only in private - in thoughts alone.
Often the connections made before the event that can - but do not always - prevent the decision to turn thought into action. For those of you who can relate to this, here is something that could be helpful. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/